Eleven Months DTE

We are holding steady at number

on the "Siblings 0-4" list, and at number

on the "Siblings 0-10" list

At least we aren't going backwards :-).

A Different Perspective

~ Nate     This is long, but read it anyway! :o) I'll add my thoughts at the end.

Imagine for a moment...
     You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancee. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.
     The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world...the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.
     The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it's not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?
     You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is fone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?
     Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.
     You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.
     More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and upt o a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.
     The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar facestarts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.
     The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guys tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.
     Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who bugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek.Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.
     He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in be for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to sleep.
     People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one another, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to e a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for hte next one to come along.
     Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take hte cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.
      How would each of us handle all these changes? Or the lack of control in our lives?
      How would this impact us for the rest of our lives?
(Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, Cynthia is an adoptive parent like many of us. She was a longtime school teacher for a variety of grades who has a website on dealing with attachment issues: www.a4everfamily.org. Analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller.)

We know that many of you are family and friends of ours and your experience with adoption is diverse and various. Some of you have adopted, some are waiting to adopt, some didn't know anything about adoption before we, or another loved one, began their journey. Whether the ideas above are new for you (like they were for me) or this is old hat, the idea is something that we can all stand to be reminded of. For me, this was a shocking way for me to read it, to bring the emotional pain and rejection to my level and it really helped me understand more of what we've read about with attachment problems that arise with adopted children. 
If any of you reading this are adoptive parents and have any comment to make or word of advise that goes with this, feel free to share it. Whether it would be helpful for Pam and I as we anticipate meeting our children in God's time, or whether it could help those reading get a better understanding of how attachment problems can manifest themselves, I invite you to chime in.
Thank you all for your love and support. While God has carried (and will continue to carry) us through this journey, please know that in many ways God has allowed you to be the tools He has used to help us through this journey. We love you and appreciate your love for us and your excitement to meet our children! :o)

Ten Months DTE

(This post should have been done yesterday; I'm a little behind.)

We have moved backwards a couple places this month.  We are now number..........

 ...........in the "Siblings 0-4 years" category on our unofficial Yahoo list. 

However, we just extended our age request to siblings 0-5 years so we are also on a new list :-).  We are number.............

............on the "Siblings 0-10 years" unofficial list.  This sounds better than it probably is.  Because this list extends to 10 years, we are LOW in that age bracket.  But at least we are on it :-).

Nine Months DTE

We have moved up the unofficial waiting list (in the "siblings 0-4 years" category) to number............

 That means we have moved up THREE places this month!!!  Each day brings us closer to the day we can happily announce that we have received our referral!!!!

(btw.  When we DO receive our referral, we will not be able to give specifics here on our blog.  We will not be able to post pictures or their names until we pass court [which will prayerfully happen within a couple months of receiving our referral].  If you live close to us, you will just have to pay us a visit to hear those details and see those photos :-)

A "Wait" Answer

Pam ~ Have you ever had one of those moments where God reminds you of something so strongly that you just want to stop everything and cry?  I had one of those moments today while I was teaching our Bible lesson at school.

I have a roomful of 23 four/five year old children.  Our daily Bible lesson consists of singing lots of Bible songs, memorizing/reviewing our Bible verses, a doctrinal drill exercise and a Bible story.  Today I continued telling the story of Abram/Abraham.

A couple of days ago, we learned the story of God calling Abram to leave his home and travel to a place that God would show him.  Abram uprooted himself and his family and left, trusting that God would take care of him.  Our story continued to tell how Abram let his nephew Lot choose the best piece of ground for him and his family without Abram getting mad and telling Lot that it was "not fair" for him to have the best.  (I teach four/five year olds.  The lessons are kept fairly simple!! :-)  Abram trusted that God would take care of him.

Our lesson today focused the promise that God had given to Abram that He would make of Abram a great nation.  Obviously for Abram's descendents to become a great nation, Abram needed to have a son.  But he and Sarai didn't have ANY children yet.  So how was God going to accomplish this "making a great nation" thing???

Many (if not most) of you reading this blog already know the rest of this story.  God continued to tell Abraham (God had changed his name from Abram to Abraham) many times throughout the years that he was going to be the father of many nations.  But Abraham and Sarah grew too old to have children.  Had God forgotten His promise to Abraham?  Had God lied?  (I ask my students this question with the most HORRIFIED look on my face!!!  They know how I feel about lying!!!!)

Of course not!!!!!  God would NEVER tell a lie.  He just had a wonderful plan in mind!!!

Here is the part of the story that got to me today.

God ALWAYS answers our prayers!!!  He often answers our prayers with a "Yes".  We like these answers :-).  We have asked God for something and He gives it to us.

Sometimes God answers our prayers with a "No".  These are not the fun answers to get, but God knows what is best for us.  He knows that sometimes what we ask for is not what HE wants for us, and HE always wants the best.  Make sense???

The third way that God answers our prayers is with a "Wait" answer.  I think that this answer is probably the hardest one for me to accept.  At least if the answer is "No" I can process and deal with that.  It's done and over, time to forget about it.  But when God tells me to "Wait", I have to do just that............wait.

I told my students today that God made Abraham and Sarah wait to have their son Isaac because that is what was the PERFECT plan for them.  God showed everyone how powerful HE is when he gave them Isaac.  If they had had children before, no one would have seen God's power!!!!

I told them that God makes us wait sometimes because He wants to give us what is PERFECT for us.  If He gave us everything we wanted, we wouldn't learn how GREAT and POWERFUL He is.

I had to stop for a minute and breathe so that I wouldn't break down in tears right then.

Who am I to question why God is having us wait to meet our children?  MY plan would be to already have them at home with me.  GOD'S plan is different.  I want to have HIS plan accomplished in my life.

Stagnate

1) to cease to run or flow, as water, air, etc.
2) to be or become stale or foul from standing, as a pool of water
3) to stop developing, growing, progressing, or advancing
4) to be or become sluggish and dull

Pam ~ How do I get past this block?  I want to keep everyone updated on how our adoption is progressing, what we are doing, the crazy dreams I have been having...................and on it goes.

But I don't.  I plan to.  I think about it.  I get an idea to share.  I say I'm going to.

But then life happens.  I work a long day.  Physical therapy wears me out.  I have to get the dishes done, laundry washed, Facebook checked {grin}.

Honestly???

Maybe I'm just feeling a little down about not yet having our referral.  I don't even expect the call right now.  Things are moving slowly in Ethiopia.  Referrals from our agency are slow.  (Although we have had a couple in the past week!!!!)  I don't really have anything to update you readers on.  Maybe you're tired of hearing from me.  Maybe my updates aren't even that interesting to you.

Nathan and I are watching episodes of Columbo during our evenings together at home.  Alone.  By ourselves Which we are enjoying.  Honestly.  But it reminds me that there are no kids running around the house screaming for our attention.  I know that one day I will probably look back to these quiet evenings at home and miss them (at times).  But right now they just hurt.

Eight Months DTE

Eight months on the waiting list as of today.  If I were pregnant, we would be KNOWING that we would be meeting our new little family members SOON.  But, I'm not physically pregnant, so there is less excitment as we enter this next month of waiting and more "tired of waiting" feelings.

But God is good, and we are continually reminding ourselves that His timing is perfect.

We did move up a spot on the unofficial waiting list during this past month, but we also moved back down a spot last week (a family above us changed their request to include the possibility of siblings) so we are still at number

Please continue to keep us in your prayers!!!!!

Wait

 Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened?  Or have you not heard?

By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate

hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe

we need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking!  I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut and grumbled to God,

"So, I'm waiting....for what?"  He seemed, then, to kneel,

and His eyes wept with mine,

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want - but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;

You'd not learn the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;

You'd know that I give and I save....(for a start),

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked

Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

what it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."

Yes, your dreams of your loved one overnight would come true,

But, Oh, the Loss!  If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see

that the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."

Travel Expenses Trip #1 Thermometer

Pam ~ We have just passed the 50% mark on our thermometer marking our savings for the travel expenses for our first trip to Ethiopia!!!!  Praise the Lord for His goodness and provision!!!!

Handmade Birthday Cards

You may remember way back last September (almost a year ago now) we started a fundraiser selling handmade cards.  In the last year, we have sold a few packets of cards, but not very many.  So we are revamping this fundraiser and are going to try again.

Here are the Birthday Cards we have for sale.  We are asking for $2.50 per card, OR you may purchase 5 cards for $10 ($2 per card).  Just leave a comment or e-mail me (hearts1982@gmail.com) with the number(s) of the card(s) you would like.  If you are local to the Des Moines area, we can arrange drop-off / pick-up of the cards/payment.  If you would like to have the cards mailed to you, we are asking for an extra $1 to help with shipping costs and you may pay via a mailed check OR using our PayPal button located on the right sidebar.  If you choose to pay via PayPal, please be sure to include a note that it is for our handmade card fundraiser (and e-mail me the numbers of the cards you would like to purchase).

In addition to numbering each birthday card, I have also included how many of each card we have available.  #15 is available in green, yellow, pink & orange.  #16 is available in blue, yellow, orange, green & pink.  #21 is available in pink, blue & yellow.

Sold Out!!                                    #2 (1x)

#3 (3x)                                       #4 (1x)

#5 (1x)                                      #6 (4x)

#7 (1x)                                    #8 (1x)

Sold Out!!                                #10 (2x)

Sold Out!!                              Sold Out!!

Sold Out!!                         Sold Out!!

#15 (7x)                                  #16 (11x)

#17 (5x)                                         #18 (1x)

#19 (8x)                                            #20 (2x)

#21 (11x)