On Monday, June 25, 2012, I received the phone call that has changed our lives FOREVER!!!! We are going to be the Daddy and Mommy to a beautiful 5-year-old little girl from Ethiopia!!!! I still get this overwhelming feeling of awe and wonder and a silly grin on my face whenever I think about how perfect our daughter is :-). God is soooooooo good and we are so very blessed to be given this chance to be the parents of this special little girl!!!!!
Pam had an overwhelming feeling of awe and wonder; my feelings were much more confused. This was good because it was unexpected and we weren't dwelling on the waiting that we were going through. However, because of my job and the responsibilities that I had during the week that our call came through, I was forced to focus on my job when I was at work. That included from the moment I got the call until the end of Friday that week. Was I distracted at work? Absolutely! I didn't say I worked well, just that I had to try to focus. Because of this, my memories of the emotions are less clear in my mind than they are for Pam. I know that I felt an immediate rush, followed by an immediate thought of, "How am I going to focus on my job this week." At the same time, the excitement was there any time I wasn't at work and it was threatening to bubble over much of the time that I was at work. In fact, one day that week, I was having a very rough morning and afternoon. One of my co-workers came over to me, pointed to "K"'s picture and smiled. It was a wonderful moment. I just looked at our daughter and, while the stresses didn't disappear, they felt much lighter for that wonderful moment.
The Details
I was at home, sitting on the couch, watching the end of Dr. Phil (I don't watch him very often, but it just happened to be a day that I was). I glanced at the oven clock and saw that it was 3:55 p.m. and had the brief thought that our agency's office hours would be done in 5 minutes and went back to watching TV. At 3:58 p.m. my cell phone rang. I picked it up, glanced at the caller ID and saw "AWAA". I just stared at the phone in my hand as it rang!!!! When I finally realized that I needed to answer it, I heard the voice of our family coordinator greeting me and asking if Nate was with me.
(I won't recount the exact wording of our conversation, but I do want to write a lot of it here. I want to have these memories recorded, because although I feel right now as if I will NEVER forget these moments, I know that memories fade as time passes.)
I told Elise (our FC) that Nathan was still at work for another half hour. She then told me that she had some news for us and asked if our family "situation" was still the same (no changes in health, financial status, etc.). I told her about our decision to not have me sign a teaching contract for next school year and she asked what Nathan made. I told her I didn't know off the top of my head and she said that she would quickly check our file. Elise asked if I wanted her to try to conference call Nathan in and I said "YES" so she put me on hold while she went to check our file and call Nathan.
My heart was POUNDING and I had started to shake!!!! I was pretty sure that this was THE call, but I didn't want to be disappointed if she needed to tell us something else. I was on hold for about 5 minutes and that was a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong 5 minutes. I was praying that God would give me strength if this wasn't THE call and that I would not have any bitterness in me if there was something else happening.
Elise came back on the line and told me that she had been unable to reach Nathan. She asked if there was another number that she could try and I told her that there wasn't. I also told her that if Nathan saw a missed call on his phone and realized it was her that he would call her back. She said that she would "patch him in" if he did call back :-).
Then she told me that she had some news for us and asked if I wanted her to tell me or wait until later when she might be able to tell us together. Now I really appreciate her willingness to check and make sure, but REALLY????? Can you imagine me being able to WAIT to hear what the news was?!?! I told her that I didn't think Nathan would mind if she told me :-). I'm SO GLAD she didn't wait to hear the news. I would have minded if she HAD waited.
"Well, this is your referral call."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(I didn't actually do that, but I wanted to!!!!!!)
Elise started telling me all sorts of information while I quickly tried to find a piece of paper and a pen to write down what she was telling me. I was having trouble holding the phone, holding the paper still, and gripping the pen to write, all while my hands were shaking. I pretty much didn't say ANYTHING to Elise (hopefully she knew that I was trying to listen but was a little bit in shock) and when she asked if I had any questions I told her that I was trying to write it all down but that I was so excited I didn't know how much I was getting. She told me that she would be sending an e-mail with more information, files, paperwork, and PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Telling Nathan
After I hung up with Elise, I immediately e-mailed Nathan ~ "Do you have a missed call?????? CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at 4:10 p.m.
When I hadn't received an e-mail back OR a phone call (within 60 seconds!!!), I texted him ~ CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! at 4:11 p.m.
(I was feeling a little impatient!!!!)
He called me at 4:12 p.m. and quietly said, "What's up???" I told him that our agency had called and asked him if he wanted me to tell him the news or if I should wait until he got off work in 15 minutes. I honestly don't remember much of that phone conversation. I was soooooooooooooooooooooo excited and kept staring at my computer screen watching for the e-mail that was going to show me the first pictures I would ever see of my DAUGHTER!!!!!! I do remember asking him if I could open the e-mail and see her pictures or if I should wait until he got home. (I knew that I should, and really wanted to, wait until he got home, but I just wanted to SEE HER!!!!!!) He asked me to wait and said that he had to get back to work but that he would call me as soon as he was in his car. I really wanted her to wait for me so that we could do this together. I wanted so badly to see these pictures together; to share the moment of meeting our future daughter.
Nathan's Memories
4:00ish. That is the time that my phone vibrated in my pocket; the first time. As I mentioned before, this was a very busy week for me at work. I had the extra responsibilities that I get about once every 6-7 weeks on a normal rotation basis and that require more focus and attention than my normal week. Due to that, I didn't even check to see who had called or texted me. Then, it vibrated again, and then, around 4:10, it vibrated a third time. Finally, I thought, "This better be important." I walked away from my desk, checked my phone and I had two text messages from a good friend of ours. As I looked at them to see what was going on, I got a text from Pam that said, "Did you get a call? CALL ME!" As a clarification, I didn't see Pam's e-mail until later. At that point, I thought something was up, so I checked my missed calls...and I knew. I saw AWAA, I saw the "tone" of Pam's text message, and I knew. I went to a quiet room and called my wife to hear the wonderful news. What wonderful news!!!
It is hard to explain my emotions at this time. I'm a numbers guy. I'm hopeful and usually very upbeat, but deep down, I'm also a realist and a skeptic. Those things tempered my joy that day. I was VERY excited to get the referral, but I still wanted to pass court: to have an official "this can never be changed...EVER" relationship with our daughter. Remember, I was VERY excited, but still holding out as well.
Seeing HER!!!!
I'm pretty sure I squealed!!!! She is BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Her smile lit up my computer screen and we were giddy as we looked at our daughter's face for the first time!!!!
And then I cried. And cried. And then cried some more.
Nathan asked "These are good tears, right?!?!"
Yes, they were good tears. Some of the best tears I have ever cried.
She "squealed" and then REALLY cried. They were good tears, but yet it was hard for me. I knew it was good, but I don't like it when my wife cries...probably because I "know" that they were good tears and not tears of pain, but I still wonder and my protective instincts kick in.
Telling Family
We had a plan of how we wanted to tell our family once we had received our referral. We wanted to make sure we told our parents first and then we wanted to tell family that are in the area in person. We set our plan in motion and it went just as we had planned it :-).
Getting to see my parents' reaction via Skype was extra-special (along with my sister Kristi!!!!) Seeing my sister Debbi come down the stairs in her painting clothes, not having ANY idea why we were there, and then breaking into tears upon seeing "K"'s face and hugging me was one our sweetest moments together. I loved seeing Debbi and Pam's moment together. It was wonderful to see the love that they share. Pam doesn't know this yet (until she reads this) but my strongest memory of this day is the moment that Debbi knew it was THE call and Pam and Debbi had their crying hug. What an amazingly loving moment between sisters. :o) (I was grateful that Doug was there too as I really wanted to share the news with both of them...and I'm glad the boys were there even though they didn't fully understand what was going on: this is just my strongest memory.)
Trying to stay calm and not give anything away while calling Nathan's sister Heidi to ask her if we could "stop by" for a just a few minutes was hard :-). Getting to share "K"'s photo with Heidi and our nephew and nieces was very sweet as they all talked about how excited they are to meet their cousin. It was also fun to be able to drive to Des Moines and show my sister, Heidi, and her 4 kids. It was fun to hear the "Awwwwwwww"'s from the kids and to see Heidi's expressions of excitement too. It was also fun to hear their excitement at having a girl cousin.
Skype. If you are further from family than a half hour or hour drive, you should get the free version. Is it perfect with wonderful quality? No. However, it is free and an amazing tool for connecting over a long distance. We were able to Skype my brother in Delaware, my in-laws in Colorado and my parents (the next morning) in Colorado as well. It was cool to be able to hold up pictures and let them see their new granddaughter (or niece).
We spent most of the evening calling family and telling them our good news. Nathan kept trying to get me to eat something for dinner, but I was just too excited to even try to think about food!!!! (He did find something to eat for himself!!!) We had a couple really close friends that we wanted to call, and then we finally posted our good news on Facebook :-).
Around 10 p.m. I told Nathan and he should really start heading for bed (he had to get up for work the next day) but that there was absolutely NO WAY that I was going to be able to sleep, so I was going to stay up a while longer. We kept getting distracted, so around 11 p.m. I finally headed upstairs with Nathan to go to bed. I didn't get to sleep until after midnight and then I woke up at 5 a.m.wide awake and ready to shout to the world that I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!!!!!!
I really have no words to even begin to express how thankful I am for everyone who has been praying for us along our journey to this point!!!! Your prayers have encouraged, supported, and uplifted us through some very hard and discouraging times, and I want to THANK each one of you!!!!!
I also want to thank everyone for their excitement and congratulations. This is a wonderful time for us and this has been a long hard road that God has led us down, but it has been a great blessing and encouragement to have so many friends and family supporting us on that journey. God has been good to us and that includes your support, love, and prayers. Thank you!!!
