I want to be . . . . .

Pam ~ Our home study is THIS SATURDAY!!!  Our social worker, Kim, is coming to our house at 1 o'clock and we are planning for her to be there about 5 hours.

I thought I was doing pretty well about this ~ not worrying too much, not stressing out too much, etc. ~ until I started snapping at Nathan on Tuesday morning about him "not caring enough."  I, by nature, am a perfectionist.  I prefer to do things myself because I know it will get done "properly" that way.  Not knowing EXACTLY what to expect on Saturday has started stressing me.  Nathan DOES care about our home study.  He cares a lot and has been working hard to get things done just as much as I have.  But he does things differently and handles things differently.  I had no right to think he didn't care enough.  He cares PLENTY and has been patiently walking beside me and helping me get done everything that I think HAS to be done.  I have apologized and am working to stay calm as Saturday quickly approaches.

Why is it that we so often lash out at the ones we care the most about?  Why do we think they "don't understand" when, in reality, they probably understand the best because they know us the best?  Why don't I allow others to help me do the things that need to be done, and not "critique" everything afterwards?

I want to be a believer who trusts in God for EVERYTHING ~ even an adoption home study.  I want to be a person who shows Christ's love at all times.  I want to be a wife who truly appreciates everything my husband does for me.  I want to be a mom who teaches her children to try things and be willing to fail.  To try things and succeed!!!  I want to be a friend who prays daily.  "Lord, help me accomplish these desires of my heart.  Help me be fully the woman you want me to be."

God's Will

Nate ~ I know it's been a while since I had anything to say and Pam requested that I think of something.  Believe me, I've had plenty to say, I just haven't remembered to get it typed out for her to post it.  So, here I go.

I have been learning a lot and God has been challenging me a lot.  Challenging me about my relationship with Pam, my relationship with other believers, my allowing God to be in control of my life, my heart and attitude towards Jesus Christ . . . I could continue, but it would probably be a long list.  Here is just one thing that I was challenged with recently.  When we seek to know God's will, we are not to come at it from a perspective of "God, please show me Your will and I will decide if I'll do it or not."  We may not think we do that, but we do it all the time.  No, we are to come to God with a heart of "God, I will do Your will no matter what, please show me that will so that I can do it."  It's amazing what the difference is.

Here is another one.  A certain man sees a pastor during the week and says, "Pastor, I don't go to church anymore because it's so full of hypocrites."  The pastor responds excitedly, "I KNOW!  Isn't it great?  The God of the universe is willing to love a bunch of hypocrites like us."  Be encouraged.  God knows that we are only human and He still loves us unconditionally because Jesus Christ died for us.