Mother's Day Tears

Mother's Day. A day to celebrate. And a day of tears for many.

I spent several years really struggling with this time of year. My heart yearned to be a mother, but it wasn't God's time for me yet. But it hurt. It hurt so much. I went to church and put on a brave face, but it was hard. Mother's Day 2012 was the worst because we thought we would have our child(ren) home from Ethiopia by then but we didn't. I can't remember if I made it to church that year or not.

Tomorrow will be the fourth Mother's Day I have celebrated since Maya K came home. And it is still an incredibly difficult day for me. For so many reasons.

My emotions are a whole jumble and it's hard to even put them into words, but I want to try. I need to try.

Mother's Day reminds me of the first 5 years of Maya K's life that I missed. If you are a parent, think of all the things your child learns and does in just the first year of their life. Then the second, and third, and so on. Those first few years are PACKED full of moments, events, memories that shape who your child is. I don't have those moments with Maya K. I don't know how big she was when she was born, when she got her first tooth, how old she was when she first sat up/crawled/walked/ran, what her first word was. I don't know when/how she got the two inch scar on her left cheek that will be there for the rest of her life. I honestly don't even know the exact day that she was born. Those are moments that Maya K's birth mom experienced with her. And I am so thankful for the woman who gave Maya K life. I wish that she had been able to spend much more time with Maya K. I wish we knew more than her name and a few facts on paper. Maya K's birth dad told us that Maya K acts just like her mother; that she always wants to help and thinks about her family. I hold that information close to my heart!!!!

Mother's Day reminds me of Layla's birth mom. It reminds me of the HUGE gift she gave me in putting her daughter in my arms and giving me the privilege and blessing of being Layla's mama. It reminds me of holding her hand in the operating room while she cried and told me how much she hoped I would love her baby girl and the moment that I looked up and saw the doctor holding Layla up with all her gorgeous dark hair and my mixed emotions of do I keep holding the hand of the woman who is putting her baby's life into my care and keeping or do I run over to my baby girl and soak in every minute of her. How can I do that when this woman's heart is breaking right now? Mother's Day reminds me of the woman who loved her baby so much that she made the hardest decision a mother could make of putting the needs of her baby girl above the desires of her own heart.

Mother's Day reminds me of the many women who are waiting to become mommies and who's hearts are heavy in the waiting. It reminds me of the women who have miscarried and they ARE already mommies, but there is no baby in their arms. It reminds me of the women whose children have abandoned them and torn out their hearts.

Mother's Day - I want to rejoice in the day. I want to celebrate the opportunity God has given me to be a mommy!!! But my heart hurts and I cry. I feel guilty for celebrating when so many women are hurting. I want to share pictures of my beautiful girls and enjoy being their mommy!!! But I know that there are women who will cry when they scroll through FB posts tomorrow seeing all the Mother's Day pictures.

I will celebrate tomorrow. I will enjoy my girls and we will eat Arby's for lunch :-). But I will also probably be on the verge of tears for much of the day.

Will you please remain sensitive in things you say tomorrow? There are women hurting and you might never know how much. Or maybe you do because you are one of them. I will be praying for you tomorrow!!!!!

Our Table

Our table is the central hub in our home. It sits in the middle of our kitchen/living room and because we home school, we spend a LOT of time at the table. I thought it would be fun to document a typical day in the "life" of our table :-). My goal was to take a picture of the table, in whatever state it might be, every hour throughout the day. I did a couple half hour times, as well as missed a couple hour marks and just took the picture whenever I remembered :-).

So, without further ado, may I present to you........Our Table.

7:00

(Nathan is still home and I am just getting ready to 

feed Layla her bottle.)

8:00

(Table is cleared and I'm getting ready to feed Layla her oatmeal and then get breakfast on for Maya K and me.)

8:30

(Breakfast)

9:00

(Prepped and ready to start school)

10:20

(I forgot to take a picture at 10. The table pretty much looked the same as it does now. Maya K and I are in the middle of school [she is gone for a bathroom break].)

11:00

(Maya K is working on seat work. Layla is under the table.)

12:00

(Maya K is finishing her seat work and I am feeding Layla.)

12:30

(Maya K is finishing her lunch while Layla tries to play with her.)

1:00

(Girls are down for nap time/quiet time and I am starting to clean up the kitchen.)

2:00

(Just finished washing/drying/putting away the dishes. Love a clean table and counter!!)

3:00

(Getting things ready to go grocery shopping) 

5:40
(Got home from shopping a few minutes ago and things are in chaos.)

6:22
(Dinner is done and things are being cleaned up.)

I forgot to take any more pictures through the evening, but you get the idea!!! Our table is very shaky and won't last forever, but I think it might be hard to when it's time for a new one. Many memories are made at this table!!!!

A Picture of Our Days

I thought it would be fun for me to journal one of our days. Honestly, this is for ME to be able to look back on one day and remember what our days, at this period of our lives, looked like. But then I thought I would share it for anyone who might be interested :-). Feel free to skip reading this post if you want to. I won't be offended!!!

I opened this post on my computer yesterday morning and kept it open all day. I would type the time that something happened and then when I had a minute or two between things, I would come back and type what had happened at that time. That is how I was able to keep track of everything at an almost exact time.

This day ended up being more "ideal" than most days. Our morning followed closely to the "perfect" schedule that I try to follow; many days are not this on schedule!!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

2:48 a.m. ~ Layla is awake and loudly talking in her crib. Eventually starts crying and then finally is quiet (probably 20-30 minutes after starting).
4:15 a.m. ~ Layla cries for about 5-10 minutes and then stops.
4:30 a.m. ~ She is crying again :-(. After a few minutes she stops.
5:15 a.m. ~ Layla is crying. Again. Stops. Again.

6:00 a.m. ~ Nathan gets up to shower.

6:15 a.m. ~ Maya K comes in to tell me that she has a headache.

6:35 a.m. ~ I get up to shower. (Note: I have been awake since 4:15 a.m.)

(Nathan gets Layla up, changes her diaper, and gets her dressed while I am in the shower.)

7:00 a.m. ~ I feed Layla her bottle and we enjoy some snuggles on the couch when her bottle is done.

7:18 a.m. ~ Get Layla settled playing on the floor, rinse out Layla's bottle and get my computer turned on for a few minutes of morning "me" time :-).

7:25 a.m. ~ Nathan leaves for work.

7:30 a.m. ~ Rescue a toppled baby and discover a messy diaper. Change the diaper!!!

7:34 a.m. ~ Maya K is awake and comes downstairs. My "me" time is over :-).

7:40 a.m. ~ Maya K is entertaining Layla, so I get a little more time to myself!!!

7:50 a.m. ~ Head upstairs to start a load of laundry and get myself ready for the day while Layla is still happy and Maya K is playing with her.

8:05 a.m. ~ Maya K goes upstairs to get dressed and make the beds while I keep Layla entertained, get breakfast ready, and get things gathered for school.

8:20 a.m. ~ Maya K comes down and feeds our cat, Oreo.

8:25 a.m. ~ We finally start breakfast (Maya K is sometimes a little slow/easily distracted getting through her morning chores).

8:40 a.m. ~ I go upstairs to make sure Maya K made the beds correctly and to clear off the desk for my childcare girl "K" to do her schoolwork when she gets here.

(I have been carting Layla around for the past half hour or so as she is getting fussy and close to ready to go down for her first nap.)

8:53 a.m. ~ Put Layla down for her nap (she fusses for about 5 minutes before falling asleep.)

8:56 a.m. ~ Maya K and I start school.

9:00 a.m. ~ My child care girl "K" arrives. Break from school.

9:15 a.m. ~ "K" goes upstairs to start her schoolwork and Maya K and I resume school.

9:45 a.m. ~ Layla cries out, but then stops (she was able to get herself quickly back to sleep for this nap.)

10:00 a.m. ~ Maya K's snack break (she gets to eat the apple fourths that we used in our math lesson on what 1/4th is.)

10:08 a.m. ~ Resume school.

10:30 a.m. ~ Layla wakes up.
10:35 a.m. ~ Change Layla's diaper. Get her playing on the floor.

10:55 a.m. ~ Feed Layla pears while Maya K takes a short break from school
11:05 a.m. ~ Feed Layla her bottle while Maya K works on seatwork.

11:20 a.m. ~ Try to get Layla settled on the floor to play. Doesn't work. Hold her while working with Maya K on some of her seatwork. Try to get lunch prep done. Finally get Layla settled in the exersaucer to play.

11:32 a.m. ~ Lunch prep.
11:36 a.m. ~ Move Layla to the bouncy seat.

11:42 a.m. ~ Maya K finishes her seatwork and gets busy entertaining Layla for me while I finish making lunch.
11:44 a.m. ~ "K" finishes her schoolwork and comes downstairs.

11:55 a.m. ~ Lunch (I'm holding Layla because her "happy time" is done.)

12:23 p.m. ~ The girls watch an episode of "My Little Pony" from a library DVD while Layla hangs out in the swing and I clean up lunch.
12:30 p.m. ~ Layla is still content in the swing, so I start working on washing the dishes.

12:36 p.m. ~ Layla is done, so the dishes are done for now too.

12:40 p.m. ~ Change Layla's diaper.

12:50 p.m. ~ The girls go down for quiet time (Maya K on our bed upstairs and "K" on the sofa downstairs). They normally go down closer to 1:30, but I am planning to go to the library this afternoon so they went down a little early.
12:53 p.m. ~ Put Layla down for her nap. (She fusses for about 5 minutes before falling asleep.)

Now, it's my time to clean up the clutter in the living room, finish the dishes, take out the kitchen and bathroom trash, reply to emails and FB messages,

1:38 p.m. ~ Layla starts crying (it doesn't sound like she will go back to sleep this time, but I set the timer for 10 minutes. If she is still crying in 10 minutes, I will go get her up.)

1:50 p.m. ~ Layla is up and she is super crabby because she only slept for 40 minutes.

2:15 p.m. ~ Layla is CRAZY fussy, so I feed her a little early. She eats the entire container of sweet potatoes in 3 minutes!!!! I guess she was hungry!!!!
2:25 p.m. ~ I feed Layla her bottle. She is still acting very tired and won't let go of me, but hopefully the full belly will help soon.

2:30 p.m. ~ Get the girls up from quiet time.

2:45 p.m. ~ Get things ready to leave for the library.
2:50 p.m. ~ Change Layla's diaper.

2:55 p.m. ~ Go to the library for the "Larry Get's Lost" Book Club and checking out new books.

4:25 p.m. ~ Home from the library. I took the stroller hoping that Layla would take a short nap while we were there, but she didn't :-(.

4:35 p.m. ~ Maya K and "K" are settling in on the sofa with their new library books!!! Layla is playing on the floor (for now) and I start getting dinner ready.

4:55 p.m. ~ Put Layla down for her nap (she fusses for about 7 minutes before falling asleep.)

5:00 p.m. ~ Dinner is in the oven and the girls are playing babies. Layla is still fussing in her crib :-(.

5:02 p.m. ~ Layla is quiet and sleeping!!!! :-)

5:20 p.m. ~ "K" is picked up.
5:30 p.m. ~ Nathan gets home
5:33 p.m. ~ Nathan goes up to wake Layla up (can't let her sleep longer or she won't go to sleep for her bedtime tonight).

5:40 p.m. ~ Dinner (holding Layla)
5:50 p.m. ~ Change Layla's diaper
6:00 p.m. ~ Cleanup (Nathan holding Layla)
6:30 p.m. ~ Nathan feeds Layla her bottle while Maya K is upstairs getting ready for bed
6:40 p.m. ~ I leave for Small Group (we take turns who gets to go to small group and who stays home to put the girls to bed.)

While I am gone, Nathan finishes feeding Layla, gives her a bath, lotion, jammies, and puts her to bed (she is asleep by 7:15ish). When he takes Layla up to bed, Maya K comes downstairs to have a snack, read for a while, then prayer time with Daddy and up to brush her teeth and go to bed. Both girls are down by 8:10ish.

9:30 p.m. ~ I get home from small group, Nathan and I talk for a few minutes and then we get ready for bed.

10:00 p.m. ~ Heavenly bedtime!!!!!

Jammin' Adoption Fundraiser!!!!

Have you heard of Jamberry????? I only heard of them recently, and am excited to get to try them out soon!!!!!

"Jamberry Nails are the NEWEST way to accessorize your fingers & toes! Lasting up to 2 weeks on fingers & 5-7 weeks on toes. These non toxic, vinyl based nail shields won't chip, peel OR fade! Heat them with a hair dryer & apply them to your nails! Over 300+ designs to choose from including Jamberry JUNIORS, French tips, solids, sparkles & designs galore! Your nails have never looked so good!" (description from Pinterest)

We are having a Jamberry party as a fundraiser to help with some of Layla's adoption expenses!!! My fellow adoptive mama friend, Brandy, has volunteered to do this for us and I am super excited!!!!

My party starts TOMORROW (Monday, February 16) and will run through Saturday (February 21).

If you want a FREE sample to try, just pick a number from the photo below and either leave a comment on FB with your number OR message me the number you want. I'll also need an address to give Brandy and she will get your sample in the mail to you ASAP!!!!!

I will be having a group on FB this next week through the party and would LOVE to have you be a part of it!!!!!

If you want to place an order NOW or see more about Jamberry, you can visit Brandy's site :-). If you decide to place an order, just make sure to choose "Maxwell Family's Jammin Adoption Fundraiser" at the checkout!!! Click HERE to place an order!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

A Photo a Month for 2014

(It was H.A.R.D. to chose just one photo for each month!!!)

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Adoption Expenses Update

Our matching grant from Lifesong for Orphans has been completed!!!!!!! Click HERE to read the blog post Nathan wrote on that blessing!!!!!!

After the matching grant, we still have an estimated $2,000 remaining to be able to complete Layla's adoption. WE ARE SO CLOSE!!!!! God has been so good in blessing us and bringing friends and family alongside us in Layla's adoption journey!!!! Thank you!!!!!!

Our account with Lifesong will remain open for regular (non-matching) donations until Layla's adoption is finalized. So if you have been and are still wanting to give a donation that will be tax-deductible for 2014, you need to do that today or tomorrow!!!! Click HERE for all the information on how to donate to our family's account.

We want to thank everyone for the support and encouragement and prayers that have come our way through this crazy adoption journey!!!!!!

Matching Grant from Lifesong

We are excited to announce that our family has been chosen to receive a matching grant of up to $2,000 from Lifesong for Orphans (through Lutheran Family Services)!!!!!!

Here are the details.

 - Lifesong will match ANY DONATION up to $2,000 between now and January 14, 2015!!! So, for example, if a person were to donate $25 (or any other amount) to our adoption fund, Lifesong will match it to give us a total of $50!!!

 - You can MAIL your check to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744. Checks should be made payable to "Lifesong for Orphans." In the memo, write "Maxwell #4931" to assure it goes into our family account. Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fundraising costs. That means 100% of your donation will go directly towards our adoption!!!!!

 - You can PAY ONLINE by going to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate. Select "give to an Adoptive Family." Complete the online form and fill in "Family Account Number" (4931) and "Family Name" (Maxwell) fields. NOTE: PayPal charges an administrative fee (2.9% + $.30 USD per transaction. Your donation will be decreased by the amount of this fee.

 -  (NOTE: In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use. Individual donations $50 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $50 will gladly be sent upon request. Lifesong is a 501(c)3 tax exempt organization.)

Would you please consider helping us continue to raise/save the remaining $6,300 we need to complete Layla's adoption? (Her adoption will be finalized sometime in February.)

Puzzle
We have not yet completed Layla's puzzle!!!! We have had 178 pieces sponsored with leaves us with 322 more pieces. If we had just 200 of those pieces sponsored, we would completely FILL our matching grant and be that much closer to having Layla's adoption paid for!!!! If you would like to donate via Lifesong to have your donation matched and would like your donation to be put toward sponsoring a puzzle piece, please just send me an email or FB message to let me know. For every $10 we will put your name on the back of a puzzle piece!!!!!

Will you have a part in helping us make Layla Autumn Rose a legal part of our family?!?!

Wordless Wednesday

Final Expenses for Layla's Adoption

Layla is already TWO MONTHS OLD!!!!! Time is moving quickly and she is growing and changing so much!!!! We are completely in love with her!!!!

Layla's adoption will be finalized when she is six months old, so we have four months left to raise/save the money we need for final expenses. I guess it's time for us to get busy!!!! (We have already been trying to save what money we can from our budget.)

Agency Fee ($5,200) ~ We have one more fee of $5,200 to pay to our adoption agency, Lutheran Family Services of Iowa, when the adoption is finalized at 6 months.

Attorney Fees ($1,100) ~ We will have an attorney fee of $1,100 for the legal work that is involved to finalize Layla's adoption.

Pay Back Interest-Free Loan ($5,000) ~ Because we only had eight days notice before Layla's birth (and the needed $10,200 agency fees needed to accept her placement with us), a family member loaned us $5,000. We would like to repay them as soon as we can.

That brings the total we need in four months to $6,300 and then the additional $5,000 as soon as we are able.

The company Nathan works for has an adoption-reimbursement program and we are anticipating receiving $5,000 from the company as soon as Layla's adoption is finalized. We would like to have saved the $6,300 we need and be able to use the company's reimbursement to pay back the loan. That would leave us "debt" free at the end of this adoption!!!!!

Nathan has begun the process of applying for an adoption grant and we will be continuing to look into a few other grant options.

If you would like to help us in some way, here are the fundraisers that we have up and going (we were just getting started with fundraising when we were contacted about Layla).

Soda Cans ~ If you are local, we will take your soda cans/bottles off your hands and redeem them for a nickel apiece.

Puzzle ~ If you would like to sponsor a puzzle piece for $10, we will write your name on the back of the piece and then add it to Layla's puzzle. (I have to be honest. We have had many pieces already sponsored, but I have not kept good track of the numbers and have not even begun to put them on the puzzle pieces OR put the puzzle together. But it is on my "to do" list :-).)

Donate ~ If you feel led to simply donate towards Layla's adoption, there is a "Donate" button on the right sidebar of this blog. Simply click on the button and donate that way.

I am hoping to get one or two more fundraisers up and going in the next few weeks. I know that four months is going to FLY by and we will be needing the money to finalize Layla's adoption and make her officially a part of our family!!!!!!

Introducing: Layla Autumn Rose Maxwell

We would like to introduce you to our baby girl!!!!! Layla Autumn Rose was born on Monday, July 28, 2014!!!!!

The last blog post I wrote talked about our financial needs and I mentioned the possibility of a certain adoption situation that "might" come about for us. Well, we pursued the possibility, received a "no" answer, and then a week later received a "YES!!" answer. Honestly, I think God was teaching us how to trust Him in a powerful way.

I will save the specific details for another post (if I ever seem to find the time). For now, please join us in praising God for this precious gift He has given us!!!!!!