Emotions

Pam ~ I find my emotions ALL OVER the place lately.  Most of the time I am honestly at peace with our wait.  I KNOW that God's plan and time are perfect and that nothing I can do will speed up the process.  One day I know that we will look back and see God's timing in all the details.

But....................having said that..............The tears catch me off guard sometimes.  I think I'm doing fine, and then, all of a sudden, I feel ready to have a complete melt-down.  {The last HUGE melt-down occurred at school. In the middle of the day.  Not a good place/time.  Oh well.  My co-workers told me they understand.  I'll choose to believe them.  And not think about what a mess I was.  And my red swollen face.  I digress.}

Sometimes it's just the little things.  Holding a baby.  Listening to my pastor use a newborn baby as a sermon illustration.  Reading Isaiah 40:31.  Walking by the children's clothing section in WalMart.  Reading an encouraging e-mail from one of my student's parents.  Getting a hug from a friend.  Going to a wedding.  Watching NCIS {that should not be making me cry!!!!}.

And so the list goes.  I have heard other adoptive mamas talk about "adoption hormones".  I have even joked about them myself.  But, as each new day comes and we are still waiting, I find myself more and more emotional.

I can't wait for the day that my tears flow as I stare at a picture on the computer screen.  A picture that will be etched into my memory for the rest of my life.  The day that I finally get to see my child(ren)'s face(s).  

{I'm tearing up as I type this.  Trying to not have another melt-down at school.}